November 11, 2014

I'd like to insert a posting that is unrelated to my series on healing trauma.

Being right has no place in peace.  If we look at this from the perspective of a simple driving incident, we see how easy it is for seemingly opposing views to both be correct and accurate.  The driver of one vehicle turns on their turn signal and indicates they are turning right and so are also slowing down.  The driver of the car behind this vehicle sees it slowing down and does not know why, even though the driver suspects the car will turn.  The piece of information that both sides are missing is that the light for the turn signal on the first car is burned out.  So very often conflicts arise from one or both or all sides in a conflict not having key pieces of information.  The first driver can argue that they did communicate the intention to turn and feel they are quite right in their stance.  The second driver can argue that the obvious communication was not received and that they had to surmise a reason for slowing down and feel quite right in their stance.  So, one driver says they did communicate.  The other one says they did not.  Both views of the incident oppose each other.  Yet, both are correct.

Can you see to apply this very simple example to many of the conflicts you see around the world?  Can you be the one to see the missing pieces of information?  Instead of agreeing with one side or the other, or some other side; how about if we strive to see the missing pieces and indicate those in our conversations about these events?  Perhaps we can’t directly affect the people who insist on being in conflict, but we can help raise the consciousness of ourselves and those we converse with away from the old way of needing to be right.


November 2, 2014

In this step we are letting go of accepting responsibility for someone else’s actions and in so doing, we take another step in reclaiming our personal power.  If worthiness issues keep you from truly feeling the Love of Divine Mother, then this step will also help you tune in more to that which is always there for all of us.  In a later posting I’ll suggest some actions that can help us let go of blame, but today let me address why it is so very important to let go of blame, especially when the trauma is caused by abuse.  Yet, even in traumatic events that are not abusive, we sometimes take responsibility for someone else’s actions.

The basic premise here is that each individual is responsible for their own decisions.   Later on, we will be learning to process feelings and you cannot process a feeling that you cannot own.  Actions have associated feelings and if we did not commit the action, then we don’t have the necessary ingredients to process the associated feelings.  When we accept the responsibility for someone else’s decisions and actions, we accept a ball of yarn (or barbed wire) that we cannot unravel no matter how we try.  We are not, and probably do not wish to be, privy to someone else’s perceptions, life history, feelings, thoughts and everything that goes into making a decision.  And, of course, decisions that we make are the whys that lead to our actions.  And to change a decision, to process the feelings; you have to look at the why and decide not to let it live anymore.  One person can never actually figure out why another person did something.  We can have an opinion based on our own perceptions – and this is where the problem lies.  If we try to figure out why someone else did something; then we are going to overlay our own perceptions, life history, feelings, thoughts and everything else and we start creating scenarios that were never true.  All that does is complicate our healing journey at the very least; but more likely it needlessly traumatizes us further.

In cases of abuse: Typically when someone is willing to resort to abusive behavior; they are not willing to accept responsibility for their actions.  They constantly tell the person they are abusing how it is that person’s fault.  In addition to this, the person who has been abused will try to figure out what they did to cause the abuse.  It is a natural, yet ineffective, reaction.  If someone who is aggressive towards another person, is not trying to control their environment; then they are trying to pass feelings on to someone else.  And sometimes it’s both.  Usually the feeling is anger or hate or rage that the abuser either doesn’t know how to process or doesn’t choose to.  Many people, at least, try to manage their anger; but like any emotion, it can be processed — BY THE PERSON THAT CREATED IT.  It never works to try to pass it on to someone else.  It just causes the mess we see in the world.

The one truth that applies to each and every decision that anybody ever makes is that a decision can always be changed, remade, upgraded.  Most decisions have both outer results and inner results.  We can’t necessarily change the outer results.  We can change the inner results, the effects on our own thoughts and emotions.  That is where our power lies. More often than not the actual trauma to ourselves occurred when we chose to accept blame for someone else’s actions.  If we had not made that choice to accept the blame, most likely the situation would not have had as traumatic an effect.  You can unmake that choice.  It does not change the fact that the traumatic event occurred.  It does change if and how it continues to affect you.  For this reason it behooves you to recognize what is yours so you can process it and what is not yours so you can let go of it.

October 8, 2014

Healing trauma by recognizing that the events are unrelated to who you are.  The only case I can think of where trauma is related to the identity of the person is revenge.  Most of the time the identity of the target makes absolutely no difference. Anyone who can recognize in this step that their identity had nothing to do with the fact that traumatic events occurred, will receive another measure of freedom that allows healing.

Certainly not all traumatic events involve abuse, but being able to recognize abuse can help us see that abuse is typically a case of who is deemed to be most safe to attack, who is least likely to be able to fight back, and most of the time, who just happens to be handy.  But, again, it’s not the actual identity of the person on the receiving end that has anything to do with them getting abused.  What is abuse?  Abuse is when one person exerts power over another person against their will.  There is mental and emotional abuse, as well as physical.  Abuse is also any aggressive behavior that is intended to inflict harm by word or deed. Many people who indulge in abusive behaviors only have the intent of controlling their environment, their experiences, feelings they don't want to feel.  That is partially why some people who have been traumatized become abusive.  Yet, as we know, it does not work.  And just because we’re in a family or a job situation doesn’t mean we signed up to be abused just because we’re in easy proximity or we share the space of someone who has a need to exert power.  When traumas don’t include abuse, it’s easier to see that our identity was not related to the events.

Especially if we were children when the abuse occurred, we tend to claim the fault. Children are even more likely to believe the abuse was because of their own actions or identity and exposing this lie early can really help jump start healing.  In the majority of our population the adults are held accountable not only for their own actions, but also for the actions of the children.  It therefore follows that in abuse cases where the children are harmed by adults; the adults are responsible for their actions.  That really is not up for argument.  And yet, how many children believe they are responsible for the abuse they receive?  The adult had this and that excuse.  No.  The adult is responsible for the abuse.   That means that the child does not need to carry the shame, especially into their own adulthood; yet, so many of us do just that.

So, ask yourself how you feel about yourself, because you experienced a traumatic event.  Have you labeled yourself as somehow defective?  Do you often tell people you were stupid?  Do you repeat in your mind how dumb you are?  Do you think it’s your fault because you don’t have some other characteristic?  In any way do you feel you should have somehow known better? Do you say you shouldn’t have been in that position?  Do you compare yourself to others, whom you feel wouldn’t have placed themselves in or stayed in that position?  Do you think that if you were someone else, this wouldn’t have happened to you?  Do you in any way feel that because of a choice you made, the trauma occurred?  When you talk about the trauma, what do you say about yourself?  Reframe any of these answers in such a way to take yourself out of it.  Remove yourself from the equation.  If at this particular time you are unable to let go of thinking that the traumatic events occurred because of choices you made, then do what you can to see that anyone else could have made those same choices. Perhaps take the tact of understanding more about why you made those choices. Can you see some way to extricate your identity from the why? If you keep coming back to, indeed, the events occurred because of choices you made; then look at how you can make different choices. It doesn't change the past, but there will be other steps to help, also. We often try to reclaim our power in a helpless situation by accepting some sort of fault for the event occurring to us.  This is an illusory way to approach it.  It doesn’t actually work.  In fact associating our identity with the fact that the trauma occurred, traumatizes us further.  We feel it’s the helplessness that traumatizes us and so we try to avoid it.  It’s normal and natural, but not productive.

Take the time to sit down and write how the events could have happened to someone else, even better, if you can make it anyone else.  The freedom you will feel is well worth the time, effort and discomfort.  Do this writing in your thought and emotion journal.  But after you feel the freedom this writing, these insights, give you; recognize that these feelings of some more freedom are another victory.  Add how seeing these insights helps you feel freer to your victory journal.

October 7, 2014

Healing trauma. If you don't have any traumas, past or current in your life, then perhaps reading through these steps will help you in conversations with people who have had or are having traumatic experiences, anything they themselves felt was or is traumatic that they are in the frame of mind to truly wish to change.

The first victory is that you have survived. You are alive and that deserves congratulations, regardless of whether you are very happy about it. CONGRATULATIONS! Well done for having endured. Now you get to heal and eventually be free of all identification with the events. It is an absolute lie that any traumatic event makes you deserve more traumas.  Walk away from the horrors.  Find the peace that is so rightfully yours.  And so, step two is to say no and walk away. When we feel traumatized by events, it is because somehow we felt powerless during the events. Towards the end of my healing just listening to the stories of some women about the abusive events that had happened to them, I was transported right back into that feeling of helplessness. I could not even pray. It took around an hour or more before I could even squeak out Archangel Michael's name. And the prevalent thought was: walk away. Saying no and walking away is a means of reclaiming our power in the situation, even if the time is past. Even 20 years later, it still helps our mind, our emotions, our world view, and our sense of being.

Now, of course, if you're presently in an abusive situation; the power of saying no and walking away is far more tangible. But, a person always has to be careful of their survival. Even if it's not safe to get completely away or to actually speak no out loud; any steps in this direction are helpful. Just saying: "No. You have no power over me." Just saying this quietly in one's mind, regardless of physical and emotional evidence, does wonders. Make a firm decision within yourself that you have had enough.  You are done.  It is not a pleading type of no, for that still puts power outside yourself.  It is a decision within yourself that you have had enough.  It is a no that reclaims your inner power to say no.  Even if you can not physically do something about it, yet; it is a no that shifts your attitude.  I will not tolerate this for one second longer and as soon as I get a chance I will do everything in my power to be free of this abusive situation. Taking whatever steps are minimally needed to remove yourself from abuse is your goal. The goal is not to execute some elaborate plan for independence. The goal is simply to safely get away as quickly as possible. Firmly make the decision within yourself that you have had enough and that you will try as many times as necessary to physically remove yourself from anything that causes you to feel like less than a person.  Don’t make it an epic journey.  Just take the first step in any direction.   When you are in a safer environment, you can ask and answer the many how questions.  How will you get home?  How will you make a living?  Whatever, just get out of the abuse first.

If you're reading this after the fact; then still saying no and walking away in your mind is quite freeing. Making the firm decision within yourself that you have had enough is tantamount.  You are done feeling this way. You are done identifying yourself as a victim. You have had enough.  You are done reliving the trauma in your mind. You are done being triggered by the least little thing. It is a decision within yourself that you have had enough. This shifts your attitude and creates space for healing. Even if the healing still takes years, it is the shift in attitude that is your goal right now. It is the reclaiming of your power to say no, of reclaiming within yourself the power to protect yourself from unforeseen events or within them. It is the power of reclaiming yourself as a child of God with the rights and freedoms to choose what you experience. Regardless of what news reports say, regardless of what our physical eyes see as conditions in this world, regardless of whether a person believes in any sort of God or not; there is absolutely nothing on this planet that can change the fact that every human has the right to choose their experiences. It's obvious that this is constantly abused and many are kept from manifesting this innate right to choose, but the right remains. You are one who can claim it in this moment. No traumatic event owns you. No series of traumatic events own you. You simply won't allow it.

October 6, 2014

Healing trauma. The first step in the healing journey is to visualize the change you wish to see.  It is important to picture the change you wish to see actually occurring.  It doesn’t have to be a completed picture right now.  Just start visualizing it as real and then change the picture as you wish.  Keep reminding yourself to visualize the changes as we walk this journey of healing.  Visualize your victory of being completely free.  But also visualize your victories in each step.  Make a picture of what you’d like to see change in you and then help it happen.  You may not end up matching your picture exactly, but that doesn’t matter.  It is setting the goal and the intent that helps.  It would also help you to document your victories along the way in a separate journal and periodically reread them.  The separate journal is so that you don’t have to read through all the journaling of emotions and memories in order to find your victories.

September 16, 2014

The power of song.  And it doesn't even matter if you like your voice or not, since you are just singing to yourself. Howdy folks.  I learned a technique that is new to me that I am delighted to share with you.  I was recently in a situation that frightened me and later a friend shared this technique of singing through whatever feeling you’d like to raise to a higher vibration.  Just to give it some context, I'll tell you the story of the fear first.

I had pulled off the road to Taos Mountain to go take pictures of the river.   This dirt entryway went several ways, but it was rocky, muddy and steep and I didn’t wish to proceed further with the car until I checked them out more.  After I had taken my pictures and checked out the possibilities for turning the car around to return to the road and was just getting ready to walk back to the car; this other car came and blocked the way back to the road.  The man and woman in that car only wanted to get past me and down to the river and already knew their car would have no problems.  However, the man was quite drunk and angry and raging at me.  Luckily, the woman was there and she was driving and could momentarily control the man.  I was more than willing to move my car, turn around, let them pass and then escape back to the road.  However, I had forgotten that I set my keys down on the ground near the river.  So, I had to walk back down to the river and pick them up.  Part of me was quite calm, part of me was too frightened to even pray, and part of me was praying that I would quickly find my keys and get out of the way while the woman was still able to hold the man back.  I walked straight to where I had set my keys down, pulled the car out of the people’s way, turned around and went back to the road.  I drove a little further down to a wide spot in the road and pulled off long enough to shake and tremble and get more tea out of the icebox.  Eventually, I was able to say a mantra to Archangel Michael.  And after saying that 108 times, I was able to say a decree to Archangel Michael.  Then I was able to breathe and feel more secure.  I recognized the fear as just a trigger from my past and not so much associated with the actual incident, but I still felt it.

In telling this to a friend she suggested I sing my feelings as soon as I’m able.  She said I could use this technique anytime, anywhere.  Singing: I’m feeling frightened and that’s OK.  That was a really scary situation and it’s over now and I’m safe.  Yes, I’m safe.  I’m safe.  I still feel a trembling and I’m safe.  It’s OK to feel frightened.  The situation is past and I’m safe.  I can accept calm, now.  I can accept peace and I do.  I feel more peace, now.  I feel more peace.

I might have been able to sing quietly to myself while walking down the hill to get my keys. And it might have helped ease that part of me that was trembling in fear. Of course, I would have used different words, making something up, as if I were singing to a child. It’s a little like the laughing yoga.  It’s just very hard to stay tense when you’re singing or laughing.

Another example is that this lady I just met would like to eat less sugar.  When something changes in her life, it frightens her and makes her crave sugar, like cookies or ice cream. She would like an alternative.  This morning I thought to ask her what her favorite fruit is and suggest eating that as a weaning away from processed sugar.  Fruits still have sugar, but are more natural, at least.  And eventually perhaps she can replace it with a vegetable.  When I tell her, I need to remember to tell her that in creating a mantra, the last few words echo in the brain and so always be sure those words are the positive change you wish.  Instead of singing: Cherries are as good as ice cream.  And having the ‘ice cream’ reverberating in the brain, making the craving worse.  Sing: Ice cream is good, but cherries are better.  Then, ‘cherries are better’ echoes.  Or sing: I’m craving ice cream and cherries satisfy me. And let the 'cherries satisfy me' echo in the brain.

In the shower this morning as I was singing these, I was given something else to offer her if the opportunity presents itself.  It is a means of addressing the fear of change, or any fear, for that matter.  I’ll have to also check on whether she believes in angels.  She might try singing all of the rest of this, making it up as she goes, and continuing to sing until she feels some sort of shift: There is a change occurring and I feel frightened.  Yes, I’m feeling frightened because of this change.  Archangel Michael is standing right here with me.  With Archangel Michael here, I can look at this fear.  This fear is actually no more than a tiny mouse.  I see the great shadow that this little, tiny mouse is casting.  I'm willing to shift my focus away from the shadow and see the mouse, itself. With Archangel Michael, I now am willing to look at the actual mouse.  It’s such a tiny, little mouse.  This fear that I see as this mouse is actually small enough to sit in my hand.  The trembling of this tiny mouse arouses compassion in me.  Archangel Michael reminds me of the love in my heart.  I begin to sooth the mouse in my hand and help it feel safe.  I send it love from my heart.  It’s really not so frightening, after all.  What is this fear I felt?  I am willing to know.  I am willing to see.  What frightened me so about this change that is occurring?  Oh, I see it, now.  Well, how about that!  It’s not so frightening, after all.  Thank you Archangel Michael for being here with me.


This energy is sent out thru the protective filter of Father/Mother God's will
 and can only be returned in that will and by God's grace.